This Cancer Picked The Wrong Girl!

This is my first blog post since March last year. I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in February 2022, so my priorities changed overnight. In the many months leading up to my diagnosis, I had never felt fitter or healthier, had huge amounts of energy and no symptoms whatsoever. I could not even feel a lump in my breast. It was picked up in a routine mammogram (as I was about to be fifty-one) and turned out to be an Invasive lobular carcinoma, which is the second most common type of breast cancer.

I must admit, I was very shocked, scared and even angry. Receiving my diagnosis felt like I had been punched and winded. It took quite a while for the dust to settle. I went into a kind of free fall and started to doubt myself on so many fronts and felt discombobulated. Silly as it sounds, I also felt embarrassed. I was a nutritional health coach with breast cancer. Surely that was not going to be great inspiration for my clients or any potential new clients!

However irrational some of these feelings were, I felt them deeply and I decided quite early on, that I had to look for the silver lining in this frightening scenario, or I would not cope well. I knew I had some useful skills and tools as a nutritional health coach, so why not use them on myself? I did not want to feel like a victim, without hope or the ability to make a difference. This mindset shift changed everything, and I became full of resolve and started to feel much more positive.

Me half-way through my chemotherapy in August 2022

Why did this make such a difference you might ask? Was it not just a case of accepting the skills, expertise and advice of my Multi Disciplinary Team (MDT) at the hospital and getting on with my treatment? There is no doubt that this incredible medical team saved my life and I will be forever in their debt. I am very fortunate to live near a fantastic hospital and was incredibly lucky to receive treatment within very good time frames. The NHS caught my cancer early enough for it to be treatable and give me a good prognosis. However, when it comes to diseases of this nature, there are so many things a patient can do alongside the medical team that make all the difference to their mood, the effectiveness of the treatment, side effects and general long-term outcomes. Please note I am using the world “alongside” and not “instead of”. I am not suggesting for a second that anyone should refuse the conventional medical treatments currently on offer.

The Coach Approach

Once I had decided to use “The Coach Approach” on myself, everything changed for me. I got to work and set myself my own Six-Month Programme, just like I do with my clients and I:

• Let myself “feel” and gave myself time for everything to sink in.

• Held space for myself to work through all the difficult emotions without any judgement.

• Warned others about my shocking situation to raise awareness and make sure they did not miss their three yearly NHS mammogram call ups.

• Empowered myself with information gathering from good sources instead of feeling like a powerless victim.

• Used the mindset that this was happening “for me” and not “to me”. It was going to be a case of looking for the silver lining.

• Continued to practice gratitude. This was happening to me and not my teenage children and it was treatable. It could be so much worse.

• Took a snapshot of where I was and where I wanted to be in the future in all areas of my life, but particularly regarding health. Where did my priorities lie now?

• Checked in with my values and how I cope with difficult challenges.

• Set some important goals for one month, three months, six months and beyond to give myself purpose and motivation.

• Identified what help I would need from others apart from my MDT at the hospital.

When my treatment began I:

• I took responsibility for myself and went into it with my eyes wide open, well prepared, using good, trusted sources for research and with a positive, beginner’s mindset.

• Treated myself with kindness and compassion without judgement, the way I would have treated one of my dear friends or family members.

• Communicated well with those around me, reaching out for support when needed and being specific about what I needed from certain people.

• Started journaling regularly recording facts and feelings. This gave me purpose and felt very therapeutic.

• Was clear on what I could and could not control and accepted that I needed to take some very strong drugs alongside the chemotherapy, to counteract the potentially horrible side-effects.

• Identified what I could do to complement and enhance my MDT treatments. I did regular daily exercise, got good consistent sleep, paid close attention to my diet, continued my regular contact with family and friends, remaining in touch with their lives, kept positive and well informed about the outside world.

• Held myself accountable for the goals and action steps I set myself.

• Reminded myself that if I did not achieve what I wanted to then it was not a failure but just a setback and I could try better the next day.

• Was self-aware and listened to my body and emotions closely.

• Took a three-sixty approach. Having the perfect diet was not going to be enough!

This is me at my local tennis club during my chemotherapy in July 2022

As my Treatment came to an end I:

• Prepared myself for the “freefall” feeling, once the MDT were no longer treating and checking-in with me regularly.

• Planned ahead and thought what support I would need when the treatment was over, having listened and remembered advice given to me by the surgeon and breast care nurses.

• Enrolled in courses at "Maggie’s" in Oxford (https://www.maggies.org); a four-week “Where Now?” course and an “eight-week "Mindfulness" course”. I met others in a similar situation and found it to be hugely supportive.

• Was Patient with myself with getting back to “normal”. Accepted that life would be different from now on.

• Reassessed/adjusted my goals according to how I felt.

• Kept an open, “beginner’s mind” and continued to learn and evolve as I went along with new ideas and information on how to do things better in challenging areas for me such as stress management.

• Continued to be grateful and live in the moment.
  

I was signed off this week by my NHS Oncologist at the Churchill Hospital in Oxford. The doctor answered all my questions, wished me “good health” and it was a very significant day that I won't forget. I enjoyed saying to her that, in the nicest possible way, I hoped I would never have to see her again! However, I am well aware that I have not been told that I am cured or that my cancer will not return at a later date, because no one can tell you that.

I have learned so much through this past year and am philosophical about the future now. Whether I live for five, ten, forty years or to the ripe old age of one hundred and four, like my husband’s inspirational grandmother, for me it is about quality and not quantity. It is about living your life well, taking responsibility for what you can, being clear on your priorities and letting the rest go. It's about seizing the day, grabbing joy with both hands and feeling grateful. My cancer was a very challenging chapter in my life and that of my family, and some things have changed forever, but there have also been many silver linings.

Did my “Coach Approach” really make a difference?

Obviously, I did not conduct a meta-analysis on this and with just my own experience to go on, I have no proof that it really made a difference to how I felt pre, during and post treatment and my long term outcomes. However, considering that I only spent half a day in bed, continued to coach my clients throughout (with the help of a very glamorous wig!), continued to run my local six km circuit several times per week, practiced regular yoga, walked for four to five hours with my husband on many occasions, continue to care for our two teenagers, had only one brief and unpleasant episode of brain fog and very minimal chemo side- effects in general, I think it is fair to say, despite the element of luck that can always be thrown in, the “Coach Approach” probably helped me get through, what most would consider a pretty grueling treatment plan, better than I ever imagined.

I am now specialising in Cancer Coaching with a dynamic, new and just launched organisation in the UK called "The Cancer Coach", https://www.thecancercoach.org This is a very interesting and exciting new opportunity for me to combine my lived experience and my coaching expertise to help others dealing with a cancer diagnosis, or just those who wish to live an anti-cancer lifestyle.